By Ms. Dinorah
Here again is
the challenging blank page. A (this) page needs to be filled with words that
can possibly turn into ideas. It doesn’t matter, at least at this particular
moment in time, when I am beginning to look for ways to simply catch my own
desire, whether they are good or bad. There is no such thing as good or bad
ideas, or should I say just words at
the moment? I am not necessarily
thinking of ideas. When I think of ideas, I imagine a child building a
sophisticated sculpture in the winter, a blue and white depiction of Elsa’s
frozen castle in my mind, Anish Kapoor’s Tall
Tree and the Eye. Yes, thinking of ideas is a sophisticatedly painful
process. Pure words, on the other hand, give us certain relief from anxiety
although they are not easy to find –at least at (in) this particular moment in
time.
A week ago, on
Valentine’s Day, I opened my browser and went to my Google homepage. There were
6 little hearts, with love words and phrases stamped on them. I could only
spend a minute watching the beautiful view. (My mom was celebrating her
birthday, and we wanted to go shopping after lunch). I spent the rest of the
afternoon with the image of the vibrant floating hearts in my head as if they
had been created for me! I was so delighted that I didn’t feel the need to
question why I had experienced this, almost intuitive, connection with the
fragile Google hearts. Call me a romantic, if you want. Or, you may say I am a dreamer, but I am not the
only one. I have always loved to dream –romantically.
A romantic girl
I am
from the land
where palm trees grow…
I wonder what
kind of words my fourth grade class would use to finish these verses. What kind
of words would you use? Think of rhyming words, for example. (Grow rhymes
with…) I am thankful I don’t have to hide who I am anymore. When I was little,
I had a crush on Patrick Swayze –and guess what, I had watched the movie Dirty Dancing without my thick giant
glasses. No, I wouldn’t have admitted this painfully genuine truth in college
when I was so desperately trying to fit in. What is your definition of yourself? I didn’t start wearing contact
lenses until I was twelve, but if I am not mistaken, which I may be, as my
student, or your friend and soul sister
Elena, as she herself would put it –did you have the chance to remember her
letter?-, my first love was Bruce Lee. I must have been five years old. “Would
you please help rephrase what I just wrote so I am not misunderstood?” –I ask
the man in the still mask. But, this is a calm, quiet, playful test. It is a
test of my confidence or my faith in him although it sort of looks like a trap.
Then again, we must free ourselves from getting trapped into ideas, especially
those that will take us nowhere, in search of lost time with Marcel Proust, or
as Joyce Meyer says, “…around and around the same mountain.” That’s why we have
words. Couldn’t we just have a real conversation?
I wanted to say
“Thank you!” to the Google team for creating the messages of the hearts. I felt
a little melancholic that morning even though it was mom’s birthday. I wanted
to tell him I love you. I mustn’t
have been necessarily thinking of the (my/his) idea of love, just the words,
which, at this particular moment, are the truth.